Tonight I’m heading out to watch Prince play at a small 1,100 seat theater. I’m over-the-moon-ecstatic about the singing, dancing and happiness that’s sure to ensue.
Unfortunately, grooving to Prince doesn’t come cheap. When I told people I was going to the concert, I received one of two reactions: “Whoa, that’s expensive” or “Whoa, you love Prince, that’s going to be awesome.”
I nodded my head to both reactions because I understand that Prince isn’t awesome to everyone but that he is awesome to me.
It’s a somewhat pricey experience, but one that will undoubtedly raise my happiness quotient.
I didn’t always think that way.
Historically, when faced with a choice between something cheap and something expensive, I would unfailingly veer towards the middle, thinking that a compromise was better than under or over-indulging.
I would go shopping and think, “Yes, four pairs of sale jeans and three new pairs of shoes, score!”
In reality, those middling purchases added up. I was spending on a bunch of stuff I would wear a few times instead of on one thing I absolutely loved and would wear all the time or, better yet, on an experience that would stay with me long after the initial purchase.
The older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve come to realize that some expensive things are very worth it. And I’ve learned to better appreciate things that don’t cost a penny. It’s generally on middle-of-the-road material stuff that I regret spending money.
A coffee table has never left me with lasting happiness. A trip to Paris? Yes and yes.
That’s because when faced with the decision between buying an expensive material item or spending cash on an experience, studies say experience, all the way:
“The initial joy of acquiring a new object, such as a new car, fades over time as people become accustomed to seeing it every day […] Experiences, on the other hand, continue to provide happiness through memories long after the event occurred.”
Which might explain why most free stuff rocks. You’re not likely to get a free car, but free experiences are everywhere.
A few of my favorite free things:
And some expensive investments that were totally worth it:
-Plane tickets to Europe, South Africa, and Egypt, including a ticket to Rome, where I met my husband
-Snorkeling trips, piano lessons, creative writing classes, lift tickets
-An iMac, which allows me to write, photoshop and connect with the people I love without making me crazy (which cheaper PCs historically did not)
-A university education: four years where I grew hugely as a person, learned to think critically and creatively, and met an amazing group of people that I’m still friends with to this day
I’m incredibly lucky to have had access to these things. “Expensive” is a relative term that has different meanings to different people. But within each individual definition, there’s room to think about how we spend our money, what we do with what we have and where we find value.
57% of Americans don’t use up all of their vacation time. Which means they aren’t spending money on experiences. And yet malls continue to thrive, credit cards fill up with purchases like big screen TV’s and home renovations and fancy cars. We forgo the big reward for a string of smaller gratifications. What gives?
Thinking about my list, I realize that material objects are worthwhile insomuch as they allow me to create or connect. I love my computer because of what I can do with it. Ditto for my camera. But almost all of the other things I treasure have been experiences.
When all is said and done:
I am not my couch or my iPhone or my J. Crew cardigan.
I am the sum of my experiences, my encounters and my conversations.
I am not my engagement ring or my apartment.
I am a partner in a loving marriage and an expat exploring a new country.
It’s tough to keep perspective. Sometimes I want what other’s have. Sometimes I want shiny things that I know won’t make me any happier. In those moments, it’s hard not to click “Buy.”
But then I have a moment of clarity and realize that I don’t actually want another pair of shoes.
Nope.
What I really want is to go to a Prince concert and party like it’s 1999.
What about you? Which “purchases” have brought you lasting happiness? Were they moderately priced, expensive or free?
Categories: Nitty Gritty Truths
Truth and Cake 
I’m with you. Experiences all the way! That’s why I went without a whole lot of new “things” in order to quit my job and travel through Asia for six months with my husband. Absolutely no regrets. :)
That sounds amazing, Fahrin. Grant and I have been talking about finding ways to incorporate more (and longer stretches) of travel in the next couple of years. I hope to travel around Asia as well.
Dear Rian,
You shared a link to the statement “57% of Americans don’t use up all of their vacation time” and I checked it out. I immensely crave vacations (stay-cations included), and in the past, I took unpaid vacation time when I didn’t have enough accrued paid vacation time. Regrets? Never!
By the way, my mom sewed me an ultra cute “raspberry beret” that I used to love wearing (sadly, it’s now likely in a “second hand store.”) I think you’ll understand my sentiments. Have fun tonight.
Lovely post! Thank you!
Best,
Heather
Oh man, I’ve been keeping an eye out for a raspberry beret but wasn’t able to find one before the concert–yours would have come in handy! ;) I find it shocking that Americans don’t take more vacation, especially when the average time off is soooo short (two weeks). Other countries embrace (and even force workers to take) vacation. It’s a mindset that I hope will begin to shift, and soon.
Loving your post:) I have people ask how I can travel so much and I say why not! It is about the experiences and it is SO WORTH IT! The best monies ever spent was our Wedding monies that we kept for 3 years in the hopes of a trip to Ireland instead we bought a tent trailer and have many miles traveled and many, many experiences. I am a sucker for anything FREE too – at least try it once! Happy Tuesday
That sounds like so much fun! I also find that question funny. The first time I went to Europe I was on a shoestring budget. Friends who were supposed to go with me bailed so I ended up going alone. It was my number one priority at the time, so I made it happen.
Love that – you kept to your plans and made it happen!
As I’m getting older I’m coming more and more to the opinion that experiences are everything… and like you extra pickles are never a bad thing!
Extra pickles! Yes.
My greatest experiences have not been “Free”. But, they have also not necessarily been things I would have chosen, nor did I. My stroke rehab has been a fantastic experience and has taught me more than the umpteen years of college has. I don’t regret any of it. I learned things in college that still help me to this day or were needed to continue learning new things or that got me the job, etc…
Writing this blog has not been “free”. There have not been actual costs, but the computer, the training, the hours and hours (and hours) of work and learning that were necessary were a cost.
My month trip to Europe was worth every penny. All my school experience has been worth it. Every book I have read has been an investment, even the ones I didn’t like.
All in all, nothing is truly “free”, so it is simply a matter of what has been worth the cost: living has been worth the cost.
Scott
umm. what is the dot game?
Yes, we are the sum of all that we experiences..
There have been times when I have had to spend on something expensive, and either it was worth or I later regretted it.. My hope is that the worth-it experiences out weigh the regerets
The dot game: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dots_and_Boxes AKA dots and boxes. All you need is a pen, a paper and a friend (I’ve also played on my hand in a pinch).
Oooh.. I have played this game as a kid… We just used to call it the Box game. :)
I love this post! Like you, I was shocked to learn how so few people (primarily Americans) don’t take their vacation days. As a federal employee, my co-workers and I can carryover a max of 240 hours of vacation time a year. 240 hours! That’s SIX weeks!!! And the sad thing is, people do this all the time. They figure they’ll get a bigger payout when they retire, but for me the extra cash is just not worth it. If I’m not on a plane at least once a year, I just wouldn’t know what to do with myself. I exhaust my vacation almost as fast as I earn it and I enjoy every minute of it. I know I’m here today, but I don’t know if I’ll be here tomorrow or what shape I’ll be in. Some experiences just can’t wait for “someday.”
Have a great time at the show, Rian! One of my buddies saw Prince last year and said it was the best concert he had ever seen.
Sheesh, six weeks of vacation–what an awesome opportunity to take a great big trip…say to Germany ;) It blows my mind that people wait and wait for “someday.” This is life, right here, right now. This was my second Prince concert (the 1st was in the nosebleed section of an arena, this time I was standing directly in front of him). Both were, hands down, the best concerts I’ve ever been to. My only regret? I can’t move my neck today. Someone’s getting old ;)
My favorite purchases are the ones that lead to great experiences. For example, I just purchased a few new music instruments and will enjoy playing them with friends and endulge in my favorite experience: making music with others.
Trying hard to minimize my fun purchases and also the overall bulk of things I have in my life. The further I get, the more fun it becomes. It’s really a state of mind and a concious decision to approach life in such a way.
A few new musical instruments? Wow, I can hardly play the one! ;) Rock on!
I met my husband on a six month trip I took when I was 26 – I think I’ve got my money back now ;-)
As regards ‘things’ I actually get the most joy out of the little things I see and use every day, like beautiful cushions (see your header), expensive face cream, proper butter.
I’ve got a lot of value out of my running shoes though, expensive they may be, but they allow me to enjoy the pleasure of running through fields and woods which is one of my favourite free things to do.
Ah, I see you noticed my pillow obsession. Great minds think alike ;) I also agree that some of those tiny expenses can be really great investments…if I pay a bit more for something, I usually appreciate it more. They key, for me, is picking and choosing and checking in to make sure it’s something I actually appreciate and gain joy from–like really good soap or special vinegars for salad dressing. Thanks for sharing!
Experiences are what it’s all about. The best money I ever spent was on an extended vacation to Europe for seven months. My husband (then new boyfriend) fell in love while we shared our love of travel. It was a once in a lifetime experience, and while it was insanely expensive, every penny spent was 100% worth it. I also bought a pair of Chanel shoes, in Paris. Those are pretty awesome too!
Seven months in Europe? That sounds amazing. Travel really does seem to rev up that love bug, doesn’t it? Something about an eiffel tower backdrop just makes a man a touch more handsome ;)
Yes, Rian. When I was younger, I thought I was working very hard to get into college and make money to buy nicer things than I had growing up. It turns out that I was good at that – and it made me no happier. You’re right – life experiences are all that matter in the end.
One thing I would add that I spend money on and don’t regret is good food. Going out to eat less frequently but at nicer places… WORTH IT. ;)
Good food: totally agree. My husband jokes that I have a total aversion to any restaurant that exists in multiples (a polite way of saying chains). I like hole in the wall joints filled with character or really great (often pricey) restaurants. Otherwise, I’d rather just make food at home. Definitely worth it :)
Great post! Our society excels at brainwashing people through the media that lasting satisfaction can be picked up at the mall or on ebay. In truth, a large part if our economy is based on this concept, and its getting us nowhere we want to be. Its great to hear a sane voice among all the hucksters.
It is kind of amazing how much our society is set up around retail. I don’t think you can go an hour without seeing an ad or a shop or receiving an email to buy something. It’s no wonder we, as a culture, love to shop. And don’t get me wrong: I’m a girly girl and I love shoes and clothes. But HOW we shop and how often and WHY we shop, those are all things that I think we should investigate and maybe reconsider. At least, that’s what I’m trying to do.
I couldn’t agree more about the “middling purchases,” Rian. I would say that is where my buyer’s remorse springs up as well. My mom used to tell me when shopping if I didn’t love an item immediately on sight, it wasn’t meant to be. That’s served me well over the years, as I’ve spent countless hours in a dressing room trying to convince myself that such-and-such was worth the money. In the end, I try to go with my gut. But vacations are my big splurges, and even those, I try to find a bargain for when possible. So experiences, all the way!
“I’ve spent countless hours in a dressing room trying to convince myself that such-and-such was worth the money.” Totally! Why do we do this? I’ve gotten pretty good at just putting stuff back and learning what I will wear all of the time and what I will wear once. Actually, it’s become a great way to tell when something is off: if I can’t for the life of me make a decision and I get stressed about it, then I realize I’m using shopping as therapy and I need to get out of there and go for a walk or call a friend. Do you ever find that?
I agree with you all the way. I’m all for experiences! Although I do have a nice car and house, I don’t spend tons of money on clothes or bags because I choose to travel abroad four or five times a year. The interesting thing is that some people are transforming the whole “experience” thing into something to show of because now it’s “cooler” to say that you spent tons of money to travel somewhere to see a concert or to fly in a balloon than that you bought a superexpensive car. I think it is amazing if we do that for ourselves, but what I’ve been seeing more and more is people doing this just to be able to say they did it, not for the joy of it.
The Chanel quote is just perfect!
I hope you had a wonderful time with Mr. Prince! It is like the credit card ad: some things are priceless!
I do think social media has made experiences into a bit of a competition, which is really too bad. Last night was actually a great test because we couldn’t take any pictures (we were threatened with ejection from the show if we so much as touched our phones) and I ended up in the vip section directly in front of Prince. I couldn’t believe how close he was. And yet I couldn’t “capture” and share it with other people (other than the friends who were with me). All I could do was live in the moment, relish my good luck and rock out. I think I actually appreciated it more because that picture only lives in my head now.
It’s tough to navigate the waters of one-upmanship on social media. I often have to think twice before posting something on facebook now–It’s a push and pull between wanting to share and worrying that it will come across as showing off. Thanks for your thoughtful comment, Rosa.
Brilliant post. I go on courses (soup and bread course on a farm is next up, after that – beekeeping) or I volunteer my time (baking demonstrator in a 17th century stately home at the moment) or I grow things (oyster mushrooms right now) and these are the things that make me who I am. I totally connect with this post. I only wish I’d thought to write it!
That all sounds so interesting, Laura. Beekeeping, wow. And, hey, you can totally still write about it because you have your own perspectives and experiences that will make it totally unique.
OK, first of all, I agree with every word you wrote. I have been talking about this very subject a ton lately as we plan our trip to Europe this summer. Whenever we go on vacation, we tend to really go for it, and end up spending a bit more than we should. But then it ends up being totally worth every penny! Secondly, have so much fun at the concert and savor every last second of it! Thirdly, I want to hear the story of how you met your man in Rome, please. Sounds terribly romantic!!
Oh, I can’t wait to see pictures and hear about your summer trip–I’m sure it’s going to be amazing. The show was actually last night and I had such an amazing time. We ended up standing directly in front of Prince (I couldn’t believe my luck!). It was just…the best :)
Hopefully we can exchange love stories over a drink one day. Say a pitcher of sangria? :)
Awesome!! I’m so glad that it was everything you hoped and more!!
Totally agree. Experience, experience, experience. Couple of highlights:
— Took myself to London for 10 days.
— Tipped the maître d’ at the Rainbow Room to ensure a ringside seat for Rosemary Clooney and her kick ass backup band (twice)
—Ditto the maître d’ at The Carlyle for Elaine Stritch’s one woman show — this on top of the $150 music charge and the expensive dinner (required.) Single most expensive evening I’ve ever enjoyed. And enjoy it, I did. Immensely
By the way, I’m with you about the pickles on the side.
Oooh I hope you had a blast at the concert – I’m sure it was worth every penny and then some! I’m DEFINITELY guilty of that ‘compromise’ spending that really hurts in the long run. I’m all for indulging when it comes to experiences/ travel, too, at least monetarily; I still feel guilty about the TIME… I took my first 2-week vacation in YEARS last year. I plan on doing the same this August, though! (So I really appreciated that statistic about Americans/vacation time.)
SO agree about my laptop. I love it, and feel as though it has opened thousands of doors for me.
Also, this post came at the perfect time for me. After finishing my undergrad degree, I just committed to going to grad school in Brooklyn, NY. After sending in the deposit, I basically had a debt-panic emotional breakdown.. BUT I have come to terms with the fact that it will be SUCH an amazing, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and I absolutely cannot pass this up. SO much money, but hopefully (definitely) worth every penny, and year of paying it back :)) Thanks Rian!
Love the post. It’s very true – experiences are worth so much more than things. Our society puts so much pressure on ‘having it all’, we lose sight of the simplest pleasures in life. We might not be able to go on fabulous holidays every week (shame!), but we should make more time for seeing friends, or going for a walk and enjoying the flowers.
I live my live “saving” my vacation. Then every 2 or 3 years I have a major health episode and have to use all of it AND my sick time. I wonder when I will figure it out…..take vacation and avoid the major health episodes. Seems easy enough…..thanks for your writings!
I adore Coco Chanel and I love that quote! I just returned from a trip to France, Paris and Marseille, and agree wholeheartedly that experiences are worth the pretty penny we pay. They may not be tangible in the material sense, but lend to a more fulfilled life. There’s a really good documentary called “Happy”, the most disturbing statistic shared was that about half the US population doesn’t consider them self happy, even more compelling is the other cultures who do and the differences between the different cultures, what is valued, what is considered important in life. I hope you enjoyed the concert and look forward to a Prince themed post, Purple Rain is one of my childhood favorites!
baby plants that’ve grown in my garden into actual food i can eat! seeing the green makes me so happy each day. experiences: my trips abroad to europe, mexico, asia, a sting concert in south korea, an extravagant day at a spa in seoul.
things: macbook pro!, a favorite pair of jeans that are now “pennies per wear”, a big sunhat (also now at the ‘pennies per wear’ point), expensive yoga clothes (again, getting to that pennies per wear point…). great post!
Reblogged this on eighteen thousand feet above the clouds.
Interesting question. My best investment was a year’s fellowship in Paris with travel (on their dime) all over Europe. I have never regretted a penny spent on any travel — Africa, Asia, NZ and OZ — and rarely on any very good meal. We were recently in Montreal and spent (!) $150 for lunch, but it was one of the nicest experiences of my life and well worth it.
This choice may well offend some of your followers, but my favorite splurge (materially) is a sheared mink coat that is warm, light, elegant and sensual.
I agree, I rarely regret money spent on good food, especially while traveling!
As is typical of women, most women,I love shoes (good quality shoes) but I have never been happier than the day I realised that creating memories was of more value to me than countless numbers of shoes.
So my Virgin Atlantic ticket which saw me on my maiden trip to Europe, first stop England, then Belgium was aaamazing, definitely the best purchase, EVER…the cultures, the amazing food, the people, did I mention the shopping?.
I look back at those few weeks travelling abroad and I still get goosebumps everywhere.The tickets cost me a small fortune but the memories are priceless.
Cool, England was also my first stop on my maiden voyage to Europe! And now I feel all goosebumpy whenever I go back. It reminds me of that first great adventure. I have to agree with you on the shoes. I love shoes. But they don’t come close to travel memories. Maybe we should save our shoe shopping for Europe? Double the pleasure, double the fun? ;)
Hi. Just found your blog (thanks to Jules) and this is the post that I love the most. :) I had the lucky fortune to get VIP seats for free to see Prince and I now know that I would gladly pay full price to see him again. Worth.Every.Penny. Hope you enjoyed the show!
Lucky duck! You have good taste. I like you already ;) We ended up in the vip section at this show and I stood smack dab in front of Prince–I couldn’t believe it! It was the best time ever.
Nice. It was confusing to me how a little tiny man wearing mostly women’s clothing could be sooooooooo incredibly HOT! And, talent … out the wazoo! Amazing.
I wholeheartedly agree with this post. I have never been much into shopping (in fact, I kind of hate it!). But I love pretty things haha. Doesn’t make sense, right? I also find myself picking apart advertisements (radio, tv, magazine, whatever) and seeing how they are trying to lure the buyer into wanting the product. Materialism is repugnant, and when I am around materialistic people it makes me feel bored and dirty at the same time. I think spending money on things that are worthwhile (especially travel) is more fulfilling than wearing a pair of oversized sunglasses with a fancy name on the side of my head. Because what am I then but a walking advertisement for a company who values my money, not me?
Aside from my education, the best spent money I would say was my honeymoon to Thailand =) Muy expensivo, but so worth it!!! The memories will live on forever.
Thanks for this post!
This is the fist post of your’s that I have read after following you. I really admire the way your explain your experiences. Specially the end of this post is what I loved the more.
Thanks for the smile you gave me.