fierce messy love
The world is aching and angry and confused right now.
And it’s calling out for more love.
All over my newsfeed are beautiful posts about love and peace. I agree. We need more love. We need more grace. We need to embody the change we want to see in the world.
Here’s the disconnect I’m seeing between the anger out there and the call for peace: we’re making up that love is a passive answer to this kind of tragedy.
It’s not.
Love doesn’t need to be contained in a gentle, quiet box.
Love is not spineless. It’s not all peace and om’s and rising above.
Love has some fire in it.
Love is a messy, beating heart.
Fierce love says, “I love you fellow human being, and I’m willing to go to the mat for the potential I see in you.”
When we are isolated and sick and lonely, we can’t always see the light. We lose sight of our own potential.
When I was at my lowest, in the early days of my divorce, it wasn’t the polite friend who said the “right” things who helped me the most. It was the one who fiercely believed that things would be okay, who saw the good in me when I couldn’t see it myself. Who got on an airplane and packed boxes and used curse words.
That’s love.
There’s a need for more fierce love in our world right now. Not shaming or making people “other” than us. And not simply sending a prayer out and going about our day. But real, I will go the mat for you, love.
Our disconnection is breeding discontent. It is killing people. The idea that what’s happening “over there” isn’t our problem is the problem. The people who are hurting people are hurt. They have lost sight of their own light. They are blowing themselves up to get our attention.
Instead of pouring more shame on them and pretending that they are a different breed of human, what if we looked for the potential in them? What if we started insisting that love become our human currency?
Not passively. Not some day. Now.
Love doesn’t just occur in a vacuum, away from other people. It happens in the streets. In our interactions, online and off. In extending past our comfort zones and asking a friend (or a stranger), “Are you really okay?”
It’s calling people forth into their greatness rather than calling people out.
We need to override our conditioning to be polite and keep our distance and remember that we weren’t built that way. We were designed to be in relationship, to live in communities, to look out for one another.
I (imperfectly) do this in my life constantly. I’m a fighter. It’s not always comfortable to set your eyes on the bigger picture, put your ego aside and then go out swinging in the name of love. But the payoff is huge. The understanding on the other side is worth every bit of fear that you will look stupid or too passionate or (the biggie) be rejected.
Fierce love has allowed me to heal my relationships with my parents, with friends, with myself. It’s what makes me a damn good coach. It’s also a big reason that you come back to read this blog. Because my love has some fire to it. I am willing to go the mat for love.
Don’t be afraid to do the same.
None of us is perfect at this. It’s the mess that seems to delay us, put us off and send us into judgment. If I reach out to you, will you reject me? If I care too much, will I be hurt? This is what leads to weak connections, isolation and watered down love.
We’re playing it safe and people are dying. Not just in Paris or Beirut. Every day, people take their lives because they feel alone. Because we’re afraid that we will love people the wrong way or that they won’t love us back.
Love is always right.
Our world needs our imperfect hearts.
It needs us to have an opinion about all of this and then stay open to the opinions of others. To find the connection points instead of focusing on the separation.
Let’s walk into the mess. Cry ugly tears. Insist that we treat each other better. There’s no precision to this.  And that’s okay. Let’s keep trying. Keep reaching out. Constantly forgive ourselves so that we can easily forgive others. Work on imperfectly loving ourselves so that we can imperfectly love others.
Roar a little louder. Open our hearts wider.
Forget what it’s supposed to look like and go to the mat for humanity. 

Photo by The Essence Oracle