What is your relationship to jealousy?
Do you shut down, reject people, beat yourself up, project your inadequacies onto others, talk smack?
Or do you get curious, poke at it, play with, dive into, even love your jealousy?
For most of my life, I did the former.
I would shut down when someone succeeded at something. I’d take it personally. I’d beat myself up: “You already had that idea. Why didn’t you act on it?”
The sting of jealousy felt too sharp for me to want to lean in any closer. I wasn’t “good enough.” I’d let myself down.
A world where jealousy is bad supposes something false: that there’s only one go round at success, one shot at an idea, only room for one bright, shiny person.
Which, of course, is a lie. (You know that, right?)
When you start poking at jealousy, some very useful information emerges.
Jealousy is a beacon leading you straight to your desires.
Someone wrote something brilliant?
Jealousy is telling you that you want to write something brilliant too.
Your bestie is making loads of money?
Jealousy is whispering to you that you crave abundance.
Or maybe it’s something more nuanced: I want to do that but I would do it this way. I want more money but I would spend it on that.
Cool. That’s beautiful, useful information.
So what now?
Act on it. Show up. Tell jealousy that you hear the call and you’re up to the game.
What’s your way of speaking that thing, of crafting it into existence?
Find it and your jealousy will start to dissolve into the joy of creation. All of those things stuffed down inside of you will breathe into the light. They will be liberated.
More space will be created. More ideas will come. You will forget that you were ever in competition because you will be in motion, moving towards your desires.
We are powerful. We can call in that abundance, that success, those beautiful, impactful words. When we give ourselves permission. When we believe in our own brilliance. When we love our jealousy for the cheeky messenger that it is.
Jealousy is whispering something. Some truth that it wants you to lean in closer and hear.
“You want something?” it’s saying.
Go get it.
I have never looked at it that way, but it is very true. When I think of times that I have been jealous in my life it is always because I wanted the thing that the other person had or did.Very insightful.
Cool :) I love when something uncomfortable becomes useful.
I need to go get it!! Thanks for the advice.
Go get it! xx
Thank you for giving me some clarity. My jealousy does indeed indicate what my desires are. I had never thought of it that way, but I guess it is how I use the jealousy that indicates whether I am a mature person or not, not the feeling of jealousy.
Just as others mentioned, I never looked at it quite like that. I’ve been trying to rid myself of the jealousy all these years but if I would acknowledge it, embrace it and go after the things I really want out of my life, I would be a lot better off. I did find over the past year that it wasn’t until I was ok with the little girl inside me that I was able to release a lot of jealousy I had towards others. But feeling ok with the little girl inside me was a long road of exploring and going after things that were important to me.
Your posts are always wonderful. I definitely end up with a different perspective each time. Thank you for that.
Hahahaha, what if I want to date a hot white guy too??? Should I let jealousy rule me there? Or maybe I want an attentive boyfriend.
This is great – I’ve never looked at jealousy in this light. I often become jealous and I don’t even know why, so I’m going to start investigating what my desires are telling me!
What a thought-provoking post!
Well said. I’ve always looked at competition as a way to better myself, even if I don’t win I still end up better off than I was before. Be it in fitness or in life. I’m jealous my friend can lift more than me, so I hit the gym hard. Even if at the end he can still lift more chances are I can lift more than when I started. It’s a great motivator as long as you embrace it (like you said).
Reblogged this on Just A Precious Penny.
Amazing! Love every single word written.
TrÃ¨s bon album, pile ce quqsu&ro;il me fallait pour Ã©tancher ma soif de nouveautÃ© !A Ã©couter en prioritÃ© : – The Suburbs -Roccoco – Suburban War !!!!!!!!! Et Deep blue =)Bisou.
When I discovered my relationship with jealousy recently, I was shocked. I had never thought of myself as a jealous person but there it was and I could not deny it. So you are jealous, aren’t you? I would say to myself. Sometimes it pushes me to new experiences but honestly it is not always that I am able to embrace me. There is bitterness at times. But I am glad that I discovered the jealous one in me:-)
Yes! I have finally started using jealousy as guide toward what I want and should be working toward!
Very good article and making good points. I’ve been hiding my self-criticism and non-acted-on desires behind jealousy and criticizing others. Ha! but not anymore :-)
When I originally commented I clicked the 082Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get three e-mails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove me from that service? Thanks!
Reblogged this on Lady BLeigh ~Anti-Socialite~ and commented:
I never thought of it this way. Always interesting to see things in a different light. Love the insight.
Reblogged this on ITS' ALL ABOUT L-O-V-E.
Thank you for this post, very inspirational to get out there and get sh*t done! x
As I’ve gotten older I’ve tamed jealousy. I realized that for me, feeling jealous made me feel inadequate as I was often comparing myself to another, therefore feeding unrecognized feelings of unworthiness. After I made that connection I’ve been able to admire others for their accomplishments while knowing that what I have going on is completely independent of them. We all have our gifts, talents, and desires-its up to us to act on them! Even so, jealousy does come knocking every now and again and your post is the exact advice I give to myself when it does!
Oh My! What a powerful revelation!!!
I mean it has already changed my life.
I don’t normally get jealous any more.
I am doing what I wish and allow others to do so as long as they don’t hurt people on the way.
Very nicely and succinctly put! Totally in keeping with Julia Cameron’s spiritual/psychological teachings in The Artist’s Way. Happy New Year.
Reblogged this on Simply Me and commented:
Thank you Rian, your post is insightful and resonates with us all I suspect.
“Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you riding through the ruts, don’t complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don’t bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality. Wake Up and Live!” ~ Bob Marley