Hello, my name is Rian, and I am a Whole Foods Market addict. Some people have a shoe budget; I have a Whole Foods budget. And I blow right through it on a weekly basis. I love everything about Whole Foods, from the fake chalkboard signs and the dim lighting, to the employees who trim the endive into perfect little cylinders. I know that it’s all a ploy, that a hundred suited executives have assessed the juxtaposition of wild orchids and fresh spring daisies. But do I care? Not a whit.
I revel in the eco-pretentiousness of people filling their tiny cloth sacks with imported Turkish figs. The smell of organic produce wafts through the store like a heady perfume, tempered with a note of, what is that…money? Ten dollars a pound for satsuma oranges with stems still attached? I was just musing the other day about how devoid the marketplace seemed of leafy, stemmed fruits. Thanks for rectifying the situation, Whole Foods. I’ll take ten.
I wander the aisles and imagine I’m in a French market, sussing out the subtle differences between triple cream brie that has been aged for five weeks and double cream camembert that has been aged for seven. Where else can I find dried lobster mushrooms and sea salt smoked directly in the sea? Or a pig that was gently caressed as it took its final breaths? What’s that you say? Shh, don’t speak. The Animal Welfare Chart doesn’t lie.
Fair trade coffee and bananas. Gluten-free, wheat-free, dairy-free, sugar-free pies. Hand carved soap, twelve kinds of meatless sausage, guilt-free hamburger. Nowhere else can I pick up a baby gift made out of hemp, a bag of chia seeds (presumably to grow my very own chia pet), and a pineapple with a purpose in one go. If it looks like it’s packaged in beat up card stock and has the words “printed with vegetable dye” slapped across it, my knee-jerk reaction is to grab six. Sure, the chemical-free dish soap doesn’t suds, and my clothes are stiff and scentless after a wash in their store brand detergent, but I feel so good about myself for saving the baby panda bears that I just don’t care.
I’ve tried to venture back to the other grocery stores. As many people have so helpfully pointed out, it would be a heck of a lot cheaper to do the bulk of my shopping at an affordable big box and only pick up the odd organic item at Whole Foods. But since I don’t tolerate fools, I pay them no mind.
When I do step foot into one of those meccas of despair, usually because I need something like Heinz ketchup or iodized salt, I have an adverse physical reaction to the harsh fluorescent lighting, the lingering smell of plastic bags, and the overall sense of impending doom. The sound of anxious, miserable babies fills the air. Their non-organic diapers must be chafing them, poor things. I dash about the aisles, trying to make it in and out in under ten minutes, but I can’t find a damn thing. The shelves are too tall, the packaging so unrecognizably un-recycled. I attempt to track down a member of the staff, but they hide behind pallets stacked high with trans-fat filled Ritz Crackers. There’s no African Violet flower arranging going on here. They’ve never heard of wasabi hummus or watermelon aqua fresca, and kale chip recipes are conspicuously absent from their store flyers. When I finally make my way through the fray to the finish line, the checkout lady ignores my brightly colored Envirosax bags and starts shoving everything in plastic. My obvious throat clearing and gesturing do nothing to slow her down. Well played, checkout lady. Well Played.
Luckily, there’s a Whole Foods right across the street from my local Safeway, so after my brush with unmitigated terror, I can book it back to civilization. I grab a miniature cart and wander amongst the micro-greens and heirloom tomatoes, breathing a sigh of relief. “Would you like to sample some fresh buffalo mozzarella with an orange-infused balsamic vinegar from Modena?” Why, yes, Whole Foods. Yes, I would.
I pay for my Thai basil and my agave sweetener, mark my calendar for the upcoming in-market kale spa, and tote my organic, overpriced treasures home in a reusable bag that reads, “I Helped Save a Farmer Today.” I’ll be back again soon, Oh-Kingdom-of-Pesticide-Free-Purple-Cauliflower. How does tomorrow sound?
We don’t have a Whole Foods here in Syracuse. Though we have Wegmans, which is the next best thing. Wegs, as the locals call it, is always two steps ahead of the competition. They make unique changes you would never think of.
For example, the layout of the aisles. In any non-Wegs store, you get in the middle of an aisle and realize the pickles are the next aisle over. So, you have to go the entire length of the aisle and make a U-turn. Wegs splits all of their aisles right down the middle. So you have a third lane going east-west pretty much the entire store. Why would they sacrifice precious shelf space? To make your shopping experience more enjoyable. In fact, you probably buy more.
Certain companies give the customer what they want before they know it themselves. That’s Wegs for ya.
I’ve heard of Wegmans, but I don’t think I’ve ever had the pleasure of roaming around one. Next time I head to the east coast, I’ll be sure to scope one out!
Honey, if I have a Whole Foods Market here in Argentina, I will be in love of this place as much as you!
xoxo
Carla
http://apasionadablog.wordpress.com
I’m pretty sure Whole Foods is aiming for world domination, so you may be in luck ;)
hope so!! ;)
Whole Foods brings me bliss. I often describe it as you have above. It is a horror show to have to walk the aisles of the “other” supermarkets. I often look at the children riding in the baskets mounding with chemical loaded processed foods, high fructose corn syrup and transfats wondering if they will ever have a fair chance in life.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who struggles at those “other” grocery stores. I’ve gotten to the point where I pretty much won’t buy anything pre-packaged unless it’s from Whole Foods or I can understand all of the ingredients.
Finally, someone who understands. Alas, I moved from Los Angeles where Whole Foods Markets are plentiful, to a location in Florida where most people don’t even know who they are. Depressing as all hell. I am still going through withdrawal. It is tons of leg work to even come reasonably close to their quality of fresh, organic greens. And its a long drive to Orlando……..
Oh no! I feel your pain–I lived in a small town for two years where no one had even heard of Whole Foods. Luckily, my move to Vancouver coincided with the opening of a Whole Foods (almost to the day). It was fate ;) I hope they open one near you soon!
My stay here is a test of sorts. We shall see how it unfolds. My Whole Foods Market obsession will not end easily. I guarantee I will begin driving to Orlando weekly just to pick up gluten free cheesecake and peruse the produce section. I use to shop also at the Whole Foods Market in Irvine, CA. They have cafe’s within the store and a bar. Anyone who thinks this isn’t the absolute best way to spend one’s grocery time is insane. I’d rather be in a Whole Foods Market than shopping for shoes, and that’s saying something for me.
Loving your post and love Whole Foods!
It’s all so true, though I must say, I cannot believe you never mentioned the amazing soup, salad, food, & dessert bars they have there just eminating delicous smells, and easy yet wholesome gorging. Organic gelato? Yes. Fresh pasta? Two pounds please. Buffalo mozzarella at $10 a pound?… Why not! A box filled with warm Apple bread pudding covered in caramel? Well I have been wandering this vaste store for hours now, I have to regain my strength. I can’t fight it either, Sunday dinners and my bank account have never been the same since I found the whole foods market 10 minutes from my apartment.
There are just too many delicious treasures to cover in one post! Man, I’m so hungry after reading your comment. Warm apple bread pudding covered in caramel? Too much. Stop it.
I worked at Whole Foods (the hardest work I’ve ever done) and I was forced to quit. Most of my pay check went to cover the costs of their marketing divinity. Presentation, presentation, presentation. It doesn’t hurt that everything tastes amazing! It’s a feast for the senses that got me addicted to their 365 chocolate truffles, orange cranberry scones and fresh fruit wall. Who can resist?
Oh god, if I worked at Whole Foods, I wouldn’t make a penny. Please tell me you at least got a fat employee discount! They are so good at that voodoo that they do.
OMG, I live 10 feet from one and am never going to move because of Whole Foods. I tell myself everday I need to buy their stock.
10 feet?! How do you live a normal, productive life?
OK, so I exaggerated, it’s more like 1,000 feet which is still ridiculously close (a three minute walk). Quite the contrary, it’s because of WFs that I live a somewhat normal, productive life. :)
HA! This is HILARIOUS. I am totally a Whole Foods addict, too. Or I would be, if there was one closer. And they sell BOOZE.
Your captions killed me! “Thank god. I thought I was going to have to figure out how to cut a mango.” LOL!!
You’re going to have a heart attack, but they don’t sell booze in the grocery stores of Canada. You have to go to a separate store for your vodka. I know. Heartbreaking.
I actually just laughed so loud. This is a brilliant post you have here. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again but you have an incredible writing style! I could relate to every little detail that you shared. Thanks for posting this!
I’m glad you can relate. There’s no shame in being a Whole Foods addict.
And I thought I was the only one who got all tingley when I walked in the front door.
They know how to dial into people like us. And I love it! Thank you for not making us feel ashamed….
Stand proud, Whole Foods Lover.
I agree!
You’re ridiculous. And I love it.
Laughed through this whole post.
I may not be as enthusiastic about these types of stores as you, but I do relate to the feeling! We do not have Whole Foods. We have a Fresh Market, which sound similar. I try to make a stop every chance I get. Luckily my regular grocery store has a lot of local choices as well.
I LOVE whole foods! I just went there the other day for the very first time! I never knew I wasn’t living until I went there! They have everything! It’s definitely my new favorite store. I can totally blow through my grocery budget when I’m there!
You know what? I just saw the name Whole Foods and clicked Like on this post! I love Whole Foods. And the most exciting thing is that they are in the process of building a brand new one a few minutes from my house! I may explode when it opens.
PS this is the best blog post I’ve read in ages :)
Fantastic! I hope you don’t explode. But running through the aisles with glee and gorging yourself on mangos? I could totally get behind that kind of behavior ;) Thanks for stopping by!
Ahh, so nice to have someone admit it. Most everyone I know pretends they shop elsewhere but I know the truth. There’s a whole chapter in my book about it!
I can’t wait to read your book, Kenna! It’s called “A Million Tiny Things,” in case anyone is interested. This woman is a brilliant writer.
No Whole Foods shops here in New Zealand – roll on world domination! There are a number of lovely delis and food shops here that specialise in gluten-free foods and I manfully resist going into them, because once I start I will not stop. I have the same issue in book stores…
Oh man, you may have just had the most brilliant idea–a Whole Foods bookshop! Can you just imagine? ;)
I would never leave…my children and husband would be abandoned forever.
Eh. Too expensive and organic for me. Give me those preservatives and bulk processed food any day! Preservatives preserve, right? I’ll be the same age forever! :)
(While I don’t really enjoy Whole Foods, I did enjoy the post. Thanks.)
Ha, I was just imagining you wandering the aisles of Whole Foods! I can’t really see you enjoying kale chips, but you’ll probably maintain that youthful face for life, no matter what you eat. Some people have all the luck ;) Thanks for playing devil’s advocate, Adam–I wouldn’t have it any other way!
I’m a Whole Foods addict too…being vegan, it’s almost a must! I live in a small town in TN, and I was SO glad when a Whole Foods came to a town just 30 minutes away…it’s worth the drive! You have described it to a tee, and I too love the fake chalkboard signs and going through the doors wondering what little tidbit I will learn that day…great captions :)
Finally someone else proclaiming their love of Whole Foods! I too walk the aisles enamored with the selection and the proud displays proclaiming why buying this or that product isn’t just about food, but the environment, social change, truly bringing a community into the market place. They sell a great mango salsa that I like to sprinkle on grilled fish (the pineapple salsa is pretty good too), it’s found in that same section of the prepared fruit. I also like the olive bar (Herbs de Provence marinated green olives my fave) as well as the cheese selection, Drunken Goat cheese is a weekly indulgence as is lemongrass dry soda…I truly could go on an on… Be well Rian.
I love their mango salsa. And I bought the lemongrass dry soda over the weekend, on your suggestion. Look forward to trying it :)
Hope you liked it :)
I like like like your post :) so nice :)
http://www.100quotes.wordpress.com
Love it. Very funny. I can totally relate. Especially because I don’t have *any* budget for Whole Foods, yet I cannot stand those icky other places. Help!
Whole Foods is seriously one of my favorite places to go :)
Ahhhh! Just makes me so happy :]
I’m not judging you, as I blow through my Trader Joe’s budget as well. I have no Whole Foods in my area, so it does the trick…over and over and over…
I used to visit Trader Joe’s regularly when I lived in Chicago. Their store brand products and wine selection are fab. No Trader Joe’s here–but Whole Foods is my true love :) I love the journey you’re taking on your blog, by the way. I think that travel is one of the most important things we can do with our time. I wish everyone viewed it as a neceessary investment, as you do. Very inspiring.
Nice. I can never justify the cost of things in Whole Foods, but it is lovely, and I sometimes go in there just to bask in the lovely organic glow and maybe pat the beautiful orange displays.
Patting orange displays is a very worthwhile activity ;)
This makes me sad there is no Whole Foods near me, I’m not sure if I’ve ever been to one, if I have it would have been FOREVER ago.
Also, for the record, you are hilarious! : )
If you’d been to one, trust us, you’d remember. There is nothing like a Whole Foods Market. I’ve been to them in numerouse cities and they are always outstanding and unparallel – even the smallest one I went to in Laguna, CA was a delight – the look (which many other markets are now copying), the product line – the olive bar, dear Lord, the olive bar – well, you get my drift. Next time you take a trip to a major city – visit one. You’ll love it……
Hahah! Thanks! I’m putting it on my to-do list!
I really enjoy reading all of your blog posts, but this one in particular struck a chord with me. Where I live, there isn’t a Whole Foods close by. I have to travel about 25-30 minutes to get to one. The store and the food inside itself are fabulous, the people that shop there, not so much. My first experience there, I was admiring all of the beautiful selections and signs (which you captured so well in this post), and kept getting bumped into or pushed by people who were so intent on getting what they needed and leaving, never savoring a moment the beauty of the store itself. I wish I could go shopping with you! Maybe next time I will take another friend and have her be my defensive guard while I admire more of the stemmed, imported oranges, and weigh my options of what types of grain and nuts I would love to purchase from the bins. In any case, keep writing! I love your style and take on the small things that matter in life. Also, if you would like to read about my shopping experience, check out this post I titled “Coupon Thursdays”. http://meganhoelscher.wordpress.com/2010/09/23/coupon-thursdays/
I share your love for Whole Foods. Recently, Ive branched out to include the local Farmer’s Markets in Toronto, and have really been impressed with the selection of local, organic food at a lower cost than what the supermarket sells! If you’re local to Toronto, check out Sherway Gardens Farmers Market, or the Brickworks off Bayview – I promise you will not be dissapointed :)
Terrified about moving, I reached a point where I had to ask Google whether I’m addicted to Whole Foods… It prescribed your post as therapy, I suppose.
Regarding the frequent mentions of budget and prices in the comments — I’ve simply not been in the other kind of store in a long enough time to not remember or have an accurate idea of what these things are supposed to cost, honestly. Ignorance is bliss.