So today I just want to write a quick post in honor of Staci, who left a comment yesterday about how difficult it can be to put a post out there without over thinking it. She lamented that “hitting the “publish” button [felt] synonymous with submitting a manuscript to Simon & Schuster.” And oh, how I can relate to that. When I started this blog, I felt the same way. And sometimes I still get stuck in that yucky place of “Why would anyone want to read this?” Delete! Thankfully that happens less and less these days. I feel pretty good about just putting it out there. But today I’m literally writing this post in a few minutes to honor the idea that creativity doesn’t have to be perfect. That sharing can be messy and quick and still be impactful. I haven’t been thinking on this idea for days or weeks. I was just musing a few minutes ago about something and wanted to share it with you guys.
There’s this thing that’s been happening for me lately where my heart has been opening up. I admit that sounds a bit woo-woo. But that’s okay. For a long time, I was carrying around a ton of fear and resentment and criticism (for myself and others). And it got in the way of so many things–going after my dreams, choosing fulfilling relationships, understanding my values and goals, hitting publish on blog posts–you name it. I was feeling lonely in that place, so I would just accept whatever kindness (or unkindness) came my way and adapt myself to it. I tried to be what everyone else wanted me to be.
But in the past year or so, my former “take what you get” mentality has shifted. I’ve started actively seeking out people and things and situations that fill me up. And it’s taken many baby steps, many scary “yes”s when my automatic reaction was to say no. It took effort and stepping outside of my comfort zone. But the payoff has been huge. Today, my cup runneth over. I spent the weekend with a group of fantastically amazing people–I can’t even describe how big-hearted and creative they are. And last night, I drank wine and had the most amazing conversation with a group of women who are funny and generous and diverse and wickedly smart. And today I get to spend time with a fantastic friend who inspires me with her joie de vivre. And they just keep coming…
I’m not sharing this to say, “Hey, look how awesome and full my life is right now.” I’m sharing it because I think we all have a longing for more and better. More love and better friendships. And it’s scary to put ourselves out there and ask for it. It’s vulnerable. But it doesn’t just come to us by sitting there, all guarded and brave and judgmental in our own little worlds, but by opening ourselves up, inviting people in, asking if we can play too.
Because we all want to be loved, messy imperfections and all. I’m not sure why it’s so hard to admit that. But if I say it out loud, maybe it will be easier for someone else to say it too. So there it is. Not a perfect, pretty post. But a true one. From my ever-expanding heart.
What are you longing for?
Categories: Risky Truths
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This sums up my life right now. Great post!
Exactly what I’ve been thinking and going through! Thanks for the post :)
I love this, and relate- not only to the insecurities related to writing a blog but also your point about seeking what you want instead of waiting for it to fall into your lap. Not gonna happen! It was a mental shift for me, too, in a year of transitions and change (not all of them pleasant) to actively imagine and put effort into making things happen for myself. It’s empowering to know you’ve got authority over your life… thanks for this post!
Right on, Rian! It’s hard to come out of your shell and go after the things you want in life, but it is absolutely necessary. I’ve definitely learned this in my last relationship; it turned out to be less than what I needed it to be and I had to find the strength to walk away, knowing that I deserve better and believing it to be true. It’s been two months and I am finally ready to stick my neck out there again, so ready in fact that I have signed up for another dating website. Getting what you want is a hard battle, but if you don’t show up to the fight, you can guarantee you won’t win the war.
For a messy post it sure was neat. An important message, thank you.
Great thoughts. Perfection or “non-messiness” is the enemy of creativity. Growing has to do with realizing that people already do love you, even if you think they shouldn’t or couldn’t because you think you are “messy”, and also learning to love yourself even if you don’t think you or your utterings or creations are as perfect as you think you or others want them to be. Hmmm, this sounds lame. Should I hit “send”? You bet! Every moment is creative. We’re just “messy” enough to talk about it.
I really appreciated this blog post! I’m sort of in the same spot as Staci, though my issues tend to be time management as much as anything…the longer I don’t post, the more I dread it because I feel I need to catch everyone up on things.
I am so happy for you that you are at a point in your life when you feel content and surrounded by wonderful people! I feel like everything is about to start for me next year when I graduate, and I’m paranoid that I will a) not achieve what I want to, or b) be too chicken to pursue what I want. This is especially terrifying since I just realized that what I really WANT to do is be a musician (not the most lucrative/employable position). I haven’t even told my parents because I don’t want them to freak out. Also I want to see if I can do it. But I’m grateful that I recently came to my senses enough to realize that that is what I really want to do, and I am hopeful that I have a bright and full future ahead of me (professional musician or not).
Thanks again for the lovely post! I LOVE this blog!
xo
Sounds awesome – I’m glad that you’re getting to be around with so many cool, intelligent & witty people (it’s energising, isn’t it?).
Starting at a new grad school I know what you mean about the importance of opening up. When I first began at secondary school I remember sitting by myself over lunchtime, secretly hoping that somebody cool would invite me to join them.
Nowadays I’m comfortable enough with approaching the cool people to ask “Hey, how’s it going?” or even “Mind if I join you?”. It’s surprising how far a simple line like that can get you. The great thing is: after a while it stops feeling like a leap out of the comfort zone!
aww it was a perfect, pretty post! Thanks for sharing!!
I couldn’t agree more!
Beautiful post!! I have noticed the same trend in my life at the moment – the more I put myself out there (social media, commenting on blogs, getting involved, etc.) the more I have connected with people who are open and eager to connect with me. It’s like a snowball, but with good effects rather than spiraling out of control down a dark way. I feel more energized, and I feel like I have more to give, even though there are more people in my life now to give to. It’s a fabulous feeling! It really reinforces the mantra, “You get what you give, so give good.” :)
Well put, Rian. I was just having this conversation with my boyfriend last night, about how friendships are so much harder to cultivate in your mid to late 20s, when everyone is partnered up and free time seems to have dwindled dramatically. But he made an excellent point (the same one you made here!) about how you just have to ask new people to “play” and invite yourself in on the fun. I’ve realized that I can’t sit around and wait for significant friendships to bloom again in my life–I have to be an active participant and it means stepping outside my comfort zone. Thanks for your post!
This post is very interesting for me, as I have just written (by hand) a diary entry which came from a place of deep anger. It’s immediate and raw and definitely imperfect, but I’ve decided to post it. I’m going to do it now. Please take a look. If it’s not there in 15 mins, I’m taking too long to edit it, or I’ve chickened out and deleted it. http://controlfreak.wordpress.com
Done, but it’s not pretty. link is http://becomingahappymum.wordpress.com
I think maybe a post is only “perfect” and “pretty” if it reaches others in a positive way, inspires them, and conveys exactly what you wanted to communicate. I think this one does both. Beautiful!!
Ah, thanks! Hopefully I can take your advice and learn to publish posts before entering the stage of analysis paralysis. As for this “imperfect” post, it’s pretty darn great, as is all of your writing. I really enjoy your blog!
I absolutely agree with all of your thoughts in this post! Thank you for opening up and sharing.
This post is fantastic and so honest it’s refreshing to see! I’m only new to blogging and already I feel the pressure to write well and to be a literary genius which I amnt. I think that all people strive to be accepted and in their hearts arnt comfortable being themselves without the insecurities and defence mechanisms in the world and it’s something we all have to overcome. It’s deadly seeing others bei like “yep I’m messy I’m not perfect but this is who I am” and that’s the attitude I’m trying to live under so thank you for this post which is reinforcing my choice to love myself!
I’ve recently stopped worrying so much that people will freak out if I ask for what I really want — and it’s producing some amazing results. I have this fantasy of going overseas to teach in private schools as a guest lecturer on writing — nutty, right? But I was interviewing someone with global connections in that field and went for it..It’s since led to some interesting developments. Last week I told someone else I was interviewing I want to be on more boards — and he invited me to an event for his board, which is wayyyyy beyond anything I’ve ever done but could be a great fit.
It takes guts and self-confidence — and trust — to ask for things and new friendships. So many of us feel the same way. Good for you!
I think putting a post out there must get easier the more people read what you write. At least I hope so. In the beginning it all feels a bit unsolicited and silly (and I’m still at the beginning so I should know!) But I agree that most people want (and deserve!) more than they dare to give themselves.
Shakespeare said “Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win” which I think is so true. And you know, I wouldn’t begrudge you a “Hey, look how awesome and full my life is right now” post every now and then ;o)
There you go, Rian, hitting the nail on the head. I find that I would truly love to be cared for (and loved) for all my mistakes and imperfections and not-so-shining moments. I have grown weary of trying to be that other guy and, since the stroke, have pretty much stopped being any kind of a fake. If I feel it, I mostly say and/or do it. It has lowered my blood pressure and taken away those headaches of not being me. You are right.
Scott
Just wanted you to know that I’ve nominated you for a blogging award. The following link won’t go live until tomorrow at 5pm, but here’s a heads up :)
http://emslf.wordpress.com/2013/11/02/the-liebster-award/
Hello! I have nominated you for a Sunshine Award. It is perfect for your sunny blog, so beautiful tales and photos!
Here the link: http://crendina.wordpress.com/2013/11/12/i-did-it-again/
Cris
One of life’s greatest pit-falls is: “Being what everyone else wants me to be”. This is especially true for women as our social and romantic roles come with certain expectations; others want us to be a certain person which may or may not always fit the mold of our true being. It seems at times that we run after goals that do not actually belong to us, but to the idea of us. It’s hard to chase after what you want, and still live among everyone who “should” on you. ~ A most excellent post, your insights are lovely.
I love this post and feel like it echoes feelings that I have recently been experiencing myself. I have always been quite adventurous but in some aspects of my life I feel like I have done what was expected of me and/or what was comfortable or easy rather really get out there and do what I really wanted to do; something different, dangerous and exciting. It has been very difficult to do the latter though as other things have got in the way and/or I have been constrained by life events and finances, but now I that am in a position to make those bolder choices I am embracing them, scary as they are. This post has inspired me to continue down that path.
I am also a fan of the concept of ‘more love and better friendships’, and in fact my new year’s resolution for the past two years has been the same: ‘talk more, love more, knit more’. (Knitting is obviously very key to friendships.) I believe that open, honest communication coupled with an open heart is the key to nurturing key friendships that already exist as well as finding new ones that will nurture us in the future.
Thanks for the post. It came at exactly the right time for me. (About a month ago, but I am a champion at putting things off, hence my reply only now.)
p.s. I recently watched this video of a presentation by the cartooning psychologist Nina Burrowes:
http://2013.dareconf.com/videos/burrowes
which echoes similar thoughts
Great post, and looking forward to more. This is slightly tangential, but I wanted to let you know I’ve nominated your blog for a Liebster award. Want to claim your prize? I’ve left you instructions on today’s post. I’m not spamming you, just humor me. http://mnsho.com/2014/02/13/oh-my-darling/
“Not a perfect, pretty post. But a true one. From my ever-expanding heart.” I sooo want to hug you right now for inspiring me to write more. :)
I nominated you for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award.
Thank you
http://mymornincoffee.com/2014/09/08/the-very-inspiring-blogger-award/
I totally agree with you! Stepping out of your comfort zone and trying something that scares you is so liberating. :)
As a new blogger (literally new–I just published my first post a few minutes ago) I feel exactly this worry of having that perfect blog. I have been reading about blog posts and their meanings (depending on the blogger’s goals) to come to the conclusion that blogging is scary and exciting, both at the same time. Worrying about perfection is a present feeling which I hope to eliminate as I become a more seasoned blogger. Thanks for your post!
Such a true and honest post :)
This so goes along with some of the things I’m going through right now. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for posting this! I’m new to the blogging world and this is the first one I’ve actually read in it’s entirety. You had my attention right away…I thought : Finally! Someone understands how I feel!
It’s terrifying to put yourself out there for others to judge. For some it’s writing, for me it’s my artwork. Baby steps.
I’m not entirely sure there’s anything more terrifying than thinking that someone is reading those words, straight out of your own, precious little mind, and thinking they are subpar. Or wait, much worse, just completely average. Blam. Boring. Over and done.
And oh goodness, friends! Friends who read every letter, the whole character count, and love it. Genuinely and completely. But can you really trust their critiques? Won’t they just want to spare you the terrible truth?
*sigh* writing pains, yo. Mad props for being real, and being real fabulous.
I love this post, thanks for being so refreshingly transparent x
Love this post! So true. I will be following your blog :)
ps. thanks for introducing me to the term CAmerican.. never heard of it before :-)
– Cin
Really beautiful post. Love your writing style! Please feel free to take a look at my page. I’m a beginner bloggist and could use the encouragement! Xo
This is a great message to bring into 2015!
Nice blog you got! Would you like to check out mine? Don’t hesitate to leave a comment, I would be glad to know what’s on your mind! http://www.mileysgallery.wordpress.com
When I’m feeling self conscious about a blog post I simply don’t publish it to my Facebook and personal friends but let it sit on my blog for my followers to read and people who actually come directly to my site to discover. Sometimes I feel that the blogging community is far more forgiving than my social media circle because you all understand what it’s like to blog where as out of my 1200 FB friends I maybe know two that blog. Something to keep in mind :)
http://www.danikamaia.com
Love it… some of my posts have two dozen edits, and almost nobody sees it anyway! I’m a perfectionist too — it’s hard!
That was a really sweet and honest post. I can definitely connect with it cause I think I need to take those baby steps out of my own comfort zone too.
Thanks for sharing. :-))
Reblogged this on Ramblings of an Awesome Wierdo and commented:
I think this is a really sweet and honest post. I enjoyed reading it so hopefully you guys do too :-)
“asking if we can play too” . . . Maybe that is all that “become as a little child” means. :) Very sweet. I needed some sweetness today. Thank you. I am very new to all this blogging. My grown children had to show me how to get started. It’s kinda fun to be ignorant again. Stupid has gotten old:). Me just sticking my toe into these alien waters is so far from the “competence” I had grown accustomed to. I have begun to shyly comment and follow (if those are the correct terms). Each time I do I feel like an elementary school boy with his new cigar box filled with the smells of pencils and erasers and Elmer’s paste tucked under his arm. I laughed in a good way at myself when I read that line. So I guess this is the boy who still resides in and sometimes peeps out through these 50 year old eyes asking if “I can play too”.
Trying to find the follow button. :)
I love this post. I’m new to this and I have to admit this post has inspired me :).. Great read!
“Ask if we can play too.”
That will be at the forefront of my mind for a good long time to come.
Thanks so much for this!
Nice words, nice thoughts.
Love it !!!
An awesome blog. I love your style.
Would be keen to have your thoughts on my blog: http://www.hoplessleyromanticcinderella.wordpress.com
Very nice. Wise and true. Lately I’ve been thinking about this blogging thing. The how’s and whys and my approach. I’m a seasoned blogger now. Been at it for over a month. Even now I exult in the triumph of actually finding my way back to my site on the first attempt. A part of me was feeling that it was presumptuous and a bit audacious for me to put words out into the universe as though something I wrote would matter. I found myself overthinking and trying to be clever. I started getting serious which for me is not necessarily a good thing. Matter of fact that stuff was what created the crisis which demanded I write.
I have been having conversations with my Soul lately. She has been trying to get my attention for some decades now. Its not fun at times but it needs doing. What we have decided is that I don’t want to be a writer. But we also decided that I will write. I will write with crayons. It was profound work I used to do on my momma’s kitchen floor but without the ego and the seriousness that follows. The reality was that everything that little boy did sucked by some standard. The other reality was that she saw something in some of the work and put it on her refrigerator. I would not cry if she didn’t but I would beam when she did. It guided me toward what worked and what didn’t. And it spurred me on to draw or write some more. I remembered that this week and it has now become the place from which I do my scribbling. I write but I write with crayons. Be Groovy.
This is the kind of mentality I believe in, very well written.
This is the first time I have ever posted or even read any blogs and what a great first choice. I believe things happen for a reason and this is the very thing I was looking for. I am messy, truthful and always unedited. I completely agree that we all just want to be loved and respected. That in itself takes vulnerably which is scary as hell. Reading woman stepping out of their comfort zone is the very answer to finding your way out yourself. Thank you for sharing and giving me that shove I was looking for.
Honesty isn’t always pretty, but it is beautiful. Nice post, I’ll be following.
Such a gorgeous post!
Annnd your use of ‘woo-woo’ cracked me up.
Such a great post! I have been feeling this way for awhile. Thank you for sharing :)
I just stumbled across your blog and might I say, I love it. I’ll definitely be following. I’ve been looking for some “personal” blogs that I connected with, and yours is right up my alley. I love your topics, and your writing. And your honesty. Keep it up. I just started a blog about a month ago, and I have definitely experienced that spot of oh-my-gosh-I-just-hit-publish-and-i-hate-what-i-just-wrote several times already. And I read, re-read, edit, polish, etc., etc. ad-naseum (though I secretly enjoy it, of course). I think I’m going to try your advice out, though. Just put it out there. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It’s nice to hear that. So thanks :)
Obviously, it’s been a long while since you have posted. I was wondering how life is going? I have to admit, even with all the messes going on, I miss reading your posts.
Have a great time and a great life,
Scott
I love this, Rian! It echoes a lot of what I’ve been processing and feeling my way through over the last several weeks and months. Vulnerability and change happen in baby steps!
This is perfect! I thought I was the only perfectionist about blog posts haha nice to know I’m in good company!
what am I longing for? actually when I started my blog back last year, I was longing to escape from everything I was doing and everyone I was working with. I climbed into my boat, the good ship Leaving Normal, and waited for the winds to fill her sails. I must admit, I am still in harbour but have been working on repairing what was spoiled and enjoying the scenery. I have kicked the arses overboard and am only allowing gentle sweet people to come on board. I have quit longing – it is too exhausting – and have started writing as therapy. I am still planning on casting off but it will be as a journey of discovery rather than running away.
Cute blog!
https://2live2987.wordpress.com/
I have only just started blogging, and I really didn’t anticipate how much angst I would feel over whether the post was worthy or good enough. My latest strategy is to just close my eyes and click publish, hoping that no-one laughs too much.
LOVE this post! Thank you for sharing. This was needed.
LOL @ “lamented about pushing the publish button”; it’s all part of blogging.
So true. A post can be messy and unfinished, but if it comes from a place of honesty, it’s great.
I’m very new to the world of blogging…and have definitely held back from hitting the “publish” button and instead chosen to press the “save draft” button.
It is hard not to keep tweeking a post, especially when you remember anybody in the world could read what i’m about to publish. But that’s why it’s also thrilling, because anyone could read it!
I like your naturally easy flowing style… but i guess you also have the benefit of experience in this world of blogging. Keep going, i’ll enjoy reading more :)
its great what you have written, but there is one thing that keep bugging me, I also used to believe in putting myself out there and taking risks. But lately, I just can not get over on one guy, I know it sounds stupid…but what I want to ask is what to do when your one event in life dominates your whole life? now I can not help myself in taking risks or letting people inside me.
Yes! Love this post
This is so relevant to my life right now. I’ve been interested in starting a blog for some time now and when I’d discuss my intent with people I found myself making these little justifications. “Oh, it’s nothing I’m really serious about” or “It’s just mostly for my family to keep up with my life”, etc. I realize that I said these things because I was afraid of people thinking that maybe I think I’m too self-involved or something. Truthfully, I’m really excited about my blog.
I decided to quit overthinking it and just made my first post. So glad to see that a seasoned blogger experiences these same insecurities sometimes. Thank you!
Timely post! I’ve been struggling with “putting myself out there ” and being patient with my progress
It’s good to hear that I am not alone and that my mess is beautiful
http://Www.redlipstickandasword.WordPress.com
thanks for this post, much needed… am new here at wordpress, this is my 2nd blog, thanks for your words of encouragement:)
thanks for the post. i totally relate. i just started my blog a few days ago and its kind of scary because writing is something i love so much and the thought of failing at it just sucks. so this really inspired me to be more brave
:)
Great post :)
Amen!
I love this :) thank you :)
“creativity doesn’t have to be perfect.”
i love this. thank you #needed <3
just discovered your blog. absolutely loving it!
Wow, thank you for this. I just started blogging for the first time last week and publishing my first post was so nerve wracking! But I just keep reminding myself that I’m writing for ME and not for anyone else. I particularly love what you said about how creativity doesn’t have to be perfect. I will try to remember that next time I bite my nails over a post. Cheers and happy blogging!
Beautifully put. I am just starting to blog and so afraid of putting it all out there! I love that you close with “What are you longing for?” – because THAT is the point of my blog. I don’t know yet, but I hope that by writing I can figure it out! Thank you for your post.
“Because we all want to be loved” :) I can’t agree with you more!
Yes! Absolutely – letting go of what you create in its natural state is truly the test in this overly-edited era! Well done.