So today I just want to write a quick post in honor of Staci, who left a comment yesterday about how difficult it can be to put a post out there without over thinking it. She lamented that “hitting the “publish” button [felt] synonymous with submitting a manuscript to Simon & Schuster.” And oh, how I can relate to that. When I started this blog, I felt the same way. And sometimes I still get stuck in that yucky place of “Why would anyone want to read this?” Delete! Thankfully that happens less and less these days. I feel pretty good about just putting it out there. But today I’m literally writing this post in a few minutes to honor the idea that creativity doesn’t have to be perfect. That sharing can be messy and quick and still be impactful. I haven’t been thinking on this idea for days or weeks. I was just musing a few minutes ago about something and wanted to share it with you guys.
There’s this thing that’s been happening for me lately where my heart has been opening up. I admit that sounds a bit woo-woo. But that’s okay. For a long time, I was carrying around a ton of fear and resentment and criticism (for myself and others). And it got in the way of so many things–going after my dreams, choosing fulfilling relationships, understanding my values and goals, hitting publish on blog posts–you name it. I was feeling lonely in that place, so I would just accept whatever kindness (or unkindness) came my way and adapt myself to it. I tried to be what everyone else wanted me to be.
But in the past year or so, my former “take what you get” mentality has shifted. I’ve started actively seeking out people and things and situations that fill me up. And it’s taken many baby steps, many scary “yes”s when my automatic reaction was to say no. It took effort and stepping outside of my comfort zone. But the payoff has been huge. Today, my cup runneth over. I spent the weekend with a group of fantastically amazing people–I can’t even describe how big-hearted and creative they are. And last night, I drank wine and had the most amazing conversation with a group of women who are funny and generous and diverse and wickedly smart. And today I get to spend time with a fantastic friend who inspires me with her joie de vivre. And they just keep coming…
I’m not sharing this to say, “Hey, look how awesome and full my life is right now.” I’m sharing it because I think we all have a longing for more and better. More love and better friendships. And it’s scary to put ourselves out there and ask for it. It’s vulnerable. But it doesn’t just come to us by sitting there, all guarded and brave and judgmental in our own little worlds, but by opening ourselves up, inviting people in, asking if we can play too.
Because we all want to be loved, messy imperfections and all. I’m not sure why it’s so hard to admit that. But if I say it out loud, maybe it will be easier for someone else to say it too. So there it is. Not a perfect, pretty post. But a true one. From my ever-expanding heart.
Lisbon Heart
What are you longing for?