What do you make of the little irritations in life? Do you let them roll off of your back, or allow them to ride on your shoulder like tiny, unbearable monkeys? Are you a big picture kind of person, or someone who has tunnel vision when it comes to mistakes and flaws?
Me, I’m a teeth grinder. At night, while I sleep, I crush my teeth together, making a sound that rivals a trash compactor. Unfortunately, I’m approaching the decade mark for this unpleasant habit. Even worse, I’ve been in denial about it for almost as long. Last year, I started seeing a massage therapist to relax my jaw and teach me a few exercises to get my muscles to chill the heck out. Like jaw yoga. It worked, a little bit, for a little while. But, as most people who don’t live in a town called Denial already know, grinding has very little to do with inherent muscle clenching and everything to do with your brain. Jaw yoga is not going to fix it (real yoga might).
Okay, you ask, why should I care about your teeth? Or your grinding? And what does this have to do with me? And is there any free cake coming my way? And why don’t you just post a picture of that cute white pig and be done with it, already? I hear you. Stay with me (or, if you need a little mental break, read about Cinderella, the pig who overcame her fear of mud by wearing rain boots). Are you back? Good.
Teeth grinding is a pretty obvious metaphor for the terrible gnashing that can occur inside of our brains. It’s our bodies’ way of manifesting stress and frustration. Knowing all of this, and realizing that it would be a long process to stop grinding completely, I finally bit the bullet, so to speak, and went to the dentist for a mouthguard. But before they could choke me with their strange silly putty teeth-molding-gunk, they told me that I should let them build up a few of my teeth. Turns out, ten years of grinding reduces the amount of enamel on your pearly whites. Surprise! So I said, “Okay!” very kindly let them stick me with needles, apply enamel, use some sort of burning, buzzing grinder to sand down the excess, and went home to drool and dribble water for the next four hours.
Once the novocaine wore off, I noticed that there was a rough spot on the back of my front tooth. I didn’t think much of it, at first. But over the next few days, I found myself tracing the spot with my tongue. Over and over again. It drove me crazy. I went back to pick up my beautiful new nerd-guard, and asked them to “Please do something about the terribly annoying, giant crack you left on the back of my tooth.” The dentist, insisting that he didn’t want to undo too much of the work, very gently buffed the offending spot. After tonguing the tooth for a minute or two, I declared that it seemed to be fixed, thankyouverymuch, took my bag of floss and miniature toothpaste, and made my way home.
I’m sure you can guess what happened next. Back in Crazy Person Land (a close neighbour of Denial Town), several days passed, and I noticed another rough spot, slightly below the first one, and smaller. My tongue started sliding against it now and again, then more often. It became an unconscious habit fueled by stress. The more stress I felt, the more action that little rough spot saw. The more I think about the tiny things that I can’t control, the larger and more vicious that tiny monkey on my shoulder grows. As much as I try to look at the bigger picture most of the time, I can be quickly drawn into the vortex of the small. All of the little worries and mistakes, the mix-ups and missed opportunities collect themselves into a giant heap I like to call, “You’re Not Doing It Right.”
You’re not doing what right? Oh, you know: Life. See how ridiculous it seems when I write it down like that? But you’re probably guilty of the same thought. What are all of those tiny irritations that we find ourselves fixating on really about? Is it that other people are annoying and incompetent, and that inanimate objects, like missing toothpaste caps and malfunctioning elevators, are out to get us? Or is it that we’re internalizing the small stuff, like that little rough spot, until we’ve made focusing on the inconsequential into a habit?
I went back to the dentist and asked, in my very sweetest ‘what’s wrong with you people’ voice, “Please, won’t you sand down my tooth with your sanding machine? Just a tiny bit more?” This time, the dentist was a woman, and she went to town, removing all of that expensive fake enamel from the back of my tooth and probably some of my own in the process. I went home, triumphant. The rough spot was gone! Rejoice! No more fixating. No more irritations. But the overarching moral of this story won’t let me off the hook so easily. A day later, to my dismay, there was no rough spot on the back of my tooth. Oh no. It was on the bottom of my tooth. It was probably there all along. I repeat, it was probably there all along. Is your mind blown? No? Here’s a picture of a pig.
What I’m trying to say is this: while it’s quite possible that the overzealous lady dentist created a chip in the bottom of my tooth, the more likely explanation is that all of those rough spots existed simultaneously. I just didn’t notice the smaller ones until the larger ones were gone. The bigger our problems are, the sillier the small stuff seems. Consequently, when we don’t have any really big problems, we torture ourselves with the little things that just don’t, under any circumstances, matter.
Running late? It really doesn’t matter. Stained your favorite sweater? It doesn’t matter. Lost a receipt? Caught the flu? Forgot your anniversary? Dented the bumper of your car? Forgot an appointment? Got a C? Blew a work proposal? It doesn’t matter. You’re alive. Whatever else you do or do not have going for you, you are one of the rare people who made it onto this planet. And you’ve probably got friends and family and big things to look forward to. And, unfortunately, you’ll have big problems. We all will. But in those joyous in-between times, revel in the smallness. Don’t dwell on the tiny rough spots. Relish your stupid mistakes. Because that’s all they are. Stupid. Like my tooth analogy. You’re doing it right. We’re all doing it right. Except maybe my dentist. I’m pretty convinced I need to find a new one of those.

Great post, so true! I’m currently fretting about tons of stuff and wish my mind STOPPED for once and got a grip on the big picture. Hopefully it will. Taking Yoga classes to get there. :)
I also want to yell, “Stop!” at my brain every now and then. I hope the yoga helps!
Very inspirational. It’s true, everyone follows a different path but we are all doing it right. I put forward this toothy scenario to you – what if, after having the second rough spot removed, you tongued around and didn’t find another one and THIS saddened you? I liken this to people who are always looking to be disappointed/angry/pessimistic :)
PS- I hope you’re able to get to the root of the problem and sort out any underlying stress issues – not to be all negative but my mum was a teeth grinder (probably still is, she’s a stress bucket) and had a heart attack in her 40’s and just recently a stroke at 58. She’s been very lucky with both, it would kill me to see her go so young and to such a stupid thing like stress :c
Look after yourself :) xo
Hi Bee! I love your name. Wow, what a thought–not only searching for the small problems but being disappointed when they don’t arise? I certainly hope I don’t find myself in that boat. And I hope your mother is able to find some relief from all of that stress. Sometimes very bad things have to happen to wake us up, which is so unfortunate. As for me, thanks for your concern! I’m working on the stress, day by day. Yoga, realistic thinking (I prefer to call myself a realist, not an optimist or pessimist), and mindfulness all go a long way towards getting rid of that little monkey ;)
In this analogy – as with many things in life – we often fixate more on curing the symptoms than the underlying problem. We also tend to believe (or are made to believe) that the symptoms are WORSE than the problem. In your case it might be because “stress” is an abstract creature, holes in tooths are concrete, tangible things.
I hope you find ways to dissipate the stress in your life – I’d certainly recommend going for the yoga if you have the opportunity!
So true how we let little details become so big that they hide the bigger, nicer picture. I also have a teeth grinding problem. I try to ignore it for now but your post reminded me that I should address the underlying issue anyway. I’ve also noticed that yoga helps :)
Hi Cecile,
My grinding also worsens or lessens in direct proportion to the amount of bow poses I do in a week. But recognizing the problem and addressing it (even with a temporary fix like a mouthguard) is also worthwhile. The first dentist I asked about it, ten years ago, told me I didn’t need a mouthguard, that I could will myself to stop grinding by waking myself up. Yeah, that never happened. Maybe I wasn’t “doing it right” :) Now, I chip away at the stress problem but I also wear a mouthguard to protect my teeth.
Exactly what I tell my patients. (I am a dentist, and a yoga instructor) Do something for the stress relief, but protect the teeth in the meantime. I hear and see results of doctors that address problems but never seek the underlying cause. Something all of us need to consider. Big or small, problems overpower our human minds. Great analogy. Thank you.
A dentist who’s also a yoga instructor? I think you need to set up shop in Vancouver so that I can come and see you in both capacities ;) It’s great that you address both the superficial and underlying issues with your patients. Thanks for your comment.
I’m a teeth-grinder too. Well, I don’t ACTUALLY grind them. But I might as well, the amount of 3am wake up calls I’ve had, my body hauling to consciousness so I can worry.
I don’t just need yoga for my jaw, I need it my my everything. I am Not a Nice Person otherwise. Not A Nice Person At All.
Great post!
I love that. “I’m not a nice person at all.” Don’t you suspect that all of this trying super extra hard to be “nice” people might be one of the contributing factors? Keyword “trying.” Not just being. Thanks for your two cents, Nadine.
Nice is definitely overrated. But even I can’t deal with myself sans yoga!
Great post, Rian and fits so well with the day I’ve had today! When I’m losing perspective, I turn to my old faithful: Dr Seuss’ “Oh the places you’ll go!” – it’s my favourite self-help book and works every time. Good luck with your teeth (and the rest).
I love that book :)
Great post, as usual.
“Running late? It really doesn’t matter. Stained your favorite sweater? It doesn’t matter. Lost a receipt? Caught the flu? Forgot your anniversary? Dented the bumper of your car? Forgot an appointment? Got a C? Blew a work proposal? It doesn’t matter. You’re alive. Whatever else you do or do not have going for you, you are one of the rare people who made it onto this planet. And you’ve probably got friends and family and big things to look forward to.”
Wonderful! And so true! You have encapsulated most of my post into a short, funny paragraph. I don’t know whether to be elated or insulted! :-)
I will choose elated so as not to make a mockery out of the above.
Thanks,
Scott
Thanks, Scott. Great minds think alike but express things in their own unique ways! I mean, a tooth might not be the most elegant analogy, but it gets the job done ;)
I love this line from your post: “That old Scott is, basically, a stranger to me, yet my best friend. We work well together (as long as he lets me run things!).” What a cool way to view our former, less enlightened self. We don’t discard him, we befriend him. But he still has to sit in the passenger seat! Nicely done.
Trying to get this mantra into my children’s brains at this very moment. It’s the big things that count. We will survive the little things. Meanwhile, I have had four root canals and six crowns from grinding and cracking and my jaw sits at a severe angle. They can’t make a night guard until they get the teeth fixed and so not sexy! My husband recently had some problems with his arms and he needed to sleep with his arms in braces. I was so stinking excited! I said if you wear braces and I get a nightguard we will cancel each other out on the “not sexy” meter! He refused the arm braces. ;)
Ha, I love that! The photo in my post is of my and my husband’s sexy mouthguards. Being ridiculous together sure helps. I hope you have better luck on your grinding fixes than I did. And good for you for being such a wise mother. Your kids are lucky! Thanks for stopping by :)
Great post. I’m one of those people who often has trouble noticing the big problems, not to speak of the small ones. I just cruise. But I noticed, that I, myself, started grinding my teeth. I guess I have too many annoying people in my life, and clenched jaws say “leave me alone” like nothing else can. I’m afraid I’ll never be able to stop now.
Hmm, funny how that happens, no? We think we’re cruising along, not sweating the small stuff and then our jaws (or various other body parts) tell us we’re full of it. I hope you can figure it out in this early stage. Otherwise, I hear mouthguards are the hot new accessory ;)
I actually have one already from when I was supposed to get braces… that never happened, but maybe it’ll help with the teeth.
We’re totally starting a whole new trend, right? Give SOUAH (swag) a whole new meaning/pronunciation.
Back in the day, many things use to bother me. Today I’ve done almost a 180.
Funny, last week, I wrote a blog post about a post I saw regarding regrets of the dying. I think they got it spot on. http://endgamebusiness.com/blog/coulda-woulda-shoulda/
Excellent. We all know it, but oh so hard to remember.
Ha! Fantastic. I have a habit of clenching my jaw, too, when I’m stressed. I love how you put it, “I’m not doing it right.” It’s so easy to feel that way, but ‘writing it out’ really lends perspective. Thank you for that! :)
Jaw clenchers unite! Thanks, Jules. Now I don’t feel so alone in my idiosyncrasies :)
Great post and so true! I’ll have to have husband read it. He’s been extremely stressed over things that he has little control over.
…and that photo of the toddler with the camera….so cute.
Just took a trip over to your blog–what wonderful photos you’ve taken of your little girls! I hope your husband realizes just how lucky he is to have such a beautiful family. Of course, these things are so much easier to see from an outsider’s perspective. And the little stuff can seem so big. All the best xx
Such a good post. I can so relate. I always feel like I should be doing something differently, like there’s some manual for life that the universe forgot to mail to me.
And love the idea of jaw yoga! Hilarious.
I, too, think they skipped my address when they were mailing out that manual. Guess we’ll just have to make it up as we go! ;)
Its a pretty cute/funny analogy :-p
Thanks, I’ll take it :)
:) your welcome
I think you just woke me up. Amazing post! Thank you!!!
Lui
Wonderful reminder and just what i needed to hear today. (don’t you love it when that happens?) Delightfully well written! Thank-you
I do love when that happens. I’m glad you can relate, and I hope you have a fantastic day. Thanks for stopping by.
I try and follow my mother’s advice about acting like a duck and letting it roll. Sometimes I just put a smile on my face and keep on moving. Sometimes I break down and have a little tantrum and then I can move on. I am done with the dwelling and worrying though just not productive or healthy. Loving your post – have a great weekend!
“Sometimes I break down and have a little tantrum and then I can move on.” I think I’m going to employ this tactic now and again. Let it out and see if it leaves you alone? ;) Watch out, world! Thanks for your duck analogy. Very nice.
“Blew a work proposal? It doesn’t matter. You’re alive.” – Haha, as a technical writer and editor (who often drafts proposals), I think I needed to hear this. Great post! :)
Sorry about your crappy dentist, though.
Hi Amber, thanks! I’ll be crossing my fingers for only great proposals for you in the coming week. But if you blow it, there’s always a cupcake with your name on it. Or four ;)
Oh I hope you never get irritated with your writing. This post ranks right up there with “What did you give up? You give away great food for thought.
Thank you so much! I must admit that I do get irritated with my writing from time to time. But for better or worse, I’m still going at it ;)
Looks to me like your might be doing something right. Recently, I’ve realized that prior to this year a lot of what takes up mindspace has been those little things. Big things to some people, I’m sure. But it’s been a year of big worries, which has made me long for the little ones like old friends. Rian, there are not enough blogs like yours, (and ours, if I may be so bold), and if you are okay with it, I’d like to add your blog to our list of favorite blogs? And I hope that you’ll come and comment and share your thoughts with us one of these days. We’ve even got a vancouverite.
Hi! Thanks so much for adding me to your favorites list–that’s a true honor. I love what you’re doing on your blog. Amazing women with so many insights and well written stories. I’m following along, and will definitely come by and share my thoughts on future posts. You guys rock! xx
I really liked this post :) I’m trying to not sweat the small stuff in my own life, as the saying goes. It’s a constant battle to be able to put things into perspective. Thanks again!
Yes, sometimes I wish I could just permanently affix those rose colored glasses, don’t you? :) Thanks for stopping by, L!
It’s crazy how we often think that everyone else has it all figured out, and it’s just us who is still struggling to figure life out and to ‘do it right’. Reading this post and everyone else’s comments has shown me that it’s not only me, but that everyone is struggling with something–it’s great to know you’re not alone, isn’t it? Thanks a lot.
I linked to your post on my blog, Words of Thought, if you’re interested in checking it out.
I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on this topic. Great insights and a unique perspective. Thanks you for sharing!
Finally! Someone else who has a mouthguard. I’ll feel so much better tonight while I chomp on mine as I drift off to sleep.
I am getting mouthguard too
Laisser au moins 499 nouvelles marques construisent moins limite remise 100LevisI.T 30% par Aubaines
Armani pas cher http://doudounearmani.moonfruit.fr/
Great post, love the analogy. It is often the build up of the small stuff that makes us sweat the most so the more we can let go of the better we can be prepared if and when something big comes along. Also love the look and layout of your blog. Louise x
Hi Rian. You have a gorgeous writing style. As a new blogger I’m finding your stories a real inspiration, thanks! :) Chris
boy did I need to read this today, got new bridge and crowns and they’re all extremely rough now I have to find out why
Wow, great post! I really needed this, and guess what, I also grind my teeth at night! Thanks for sharing :)